We've gotten some interesting fliers in our mailbox, but this one might take the cake. And then move said cake right through you.
I can't read much of the text, but it appears to be an advertisement for a detox and/or weight loss program at a spa.
In this little cycle, we have several steps.
- Talk to a representative.
Okay, I'm with you. New customers always have to fill out some paperwork.
- Put on a catsuit.
I'm used to seeing spa commercials with white fluffy bathrobes, but whatever.
- Wash your hands and feet.
Part of the cleaning/detox process? That is acceptable. Hands and feet get dirty.
- Put on your cult robe and cowl.
- Steam your nether region over our custom toilet, facilitated by a mysterious orange liquid.
Don't do it, it's a trap!
...I think I should never go here.
- Apply a little mousse and do a pirouette on our scale.
I really wish I could read Japanese.
The other side has a more detailed version.
- Welcome to YoSa!
- Wouldn't you like to sit in this chair? It's all sparkly and stuff.
- (internal monologue?)
- Go! Go now!
- Having second thoughts? Remember how upset you were when you put on your favorite dress and discovered it was too small? That's what I thought. Go inside.
- You will be given some tea. Put the tea in your pants, then put on your HAZMAT dress and sit on the potty while your naughty bits are steamed. Wait about an hour.
- Drink the kool-aid, but don't eat the potpourri. What you're feeling is perfectly normal, don't worry.
- You may shower afterward, but remember to apply deodorant.
- You'll look ten years younger!
- And that dress will fit again!
- You will be given all the waste you produce as a result of your kool-aid and potpourri experience. Do with it as you like.
It looks like it's not actually a toilet, it just looks like one.